Pre-Christmas festivities.

The whole month of December was pretty Christmassy around here with the addition of our advent garland to our Christmas décor.  Somehow I didn’t even get a picture of Elna getting her advent surprise out each day, but she loved it so much.  I did get pictures of some of the activities she pulled out of the advent.  Once Elna figured out how fun the advent calendar was she asked each morning for the “advent" which was pretty cute.

In no particular order (because I don’t really remember which day we did which), here are some of our advent days:

Setting up the girls’ felt Christmas tree.  Elna loved it, but didn’t like Harriet playing with it very much because she was always taking down what Elna put up.

On one day, Barbara, my saint of a mother-in-law, took both girls for a good portion of the day while I threw up for hours and hours.  It was a miserable day for me, but a fun and memorable one for the girls because they made gingerbread houses with Grandma.  I really, really love my mother-in-law!  And so do my girls!  I love that will grow up being so close to their Grandma and Papa.

Elna, Grandma Fae and their gingerbread house.

On one evening we had a fun family night downtown in Portland, starting off with our favorite Veggie Grill for dinner, then to see the giant Christmas Tree at Pioneer Square, and ending with donuts (vegan!) at Voodoo Donuts.  The girls had a ton of fun and we so great!  It was the first time in a long time (ever?) that we got done with an activity for our girls and thought they behaved well enough to want to do it again.

Me and Elna in polka dots.  We love polka dots at this house!  These were taken before heading out for festivities at the Catholic Grotto.

Brian’s brother, Chris, was singing in a choir as part of a Christmas experience they put together at the Catholic Grotto in Portland.

The choir music was beautiful and lasted almost an hour.  The girls were surprisingly good during the concert.

Family picture in front of some of the lights.  The lights were so beautiful!

All bundled—it was freezing!!

They had a petting zoo and Elna loved petting the sheep and goats.  It was so fun for her!

Look how cold everyone looks.  Elna was miserable by this point.  She had to wash her hands with antibacterial handwash after touching the animals and it made for instantly freezing hands.  She was so cold and we felt so bad for her.  I wish I had bundled her better.

The whole group: David, DeWin, Elna, Barbara, Chris, Hattie, Brian, Lucy

This picture shows pretty well how miserable Elna was.

Our girls don’t fall asleep very often in their car seats, but they were both exhausted and Harriet fell asleep on the way home.

Our ward had a Christmas party and we square danced!  A man in our ward is a professional square dance caller—awesome, right?

When I think of square dancing I think of doing it in elementary school p.e. class and I  think of my grandparents, who square danced recreationally with a community group.  I went to one of their performances when I was younger and it was so fun to watch them in their great square dancing outfits dancing. 

It was such a fun ward activity and I really want them to do it again so that I can participate.  I was holding Hattie.  Brian and Elna did a little do si do though.  Brian is such a great dad!

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again—is there anything cuter than these two?

This was a fun painting project we did together—we both made Christmas trees.  Elna loved painting!

While we painted, Harriet played with toys in her high chair and was darling as she did it!

Proud little painter, done with her Christmas tree.

One of my favorite days was doing this fun project. 

My three favorite people at Zoo Lights at the Oregon Zoo.  The zoo puts up so many beautiful lights—such a fun night!

And a few of my new decorations this year:

Harriet’s stocking—family of FOUR!  I also made the pom pom garland which I really love.  I am still in love with the Brian Kershisnik painting of the Nativity that my parents gave us.  I leave it up all year long and love it every day.

My mom made ones just like these and hung them every year.  I found these at the Salvation Army and snatched them right up.  I love them!

This was the Sunday before Chirstmas during church (we can pretend it was before Sacrament meeting started, rather than in the middle of a talk or song).  Elna and Harriet wore cute matching dresses and bows.

Elna and our cute friends eating pistachios from a jar during Sacrament meeting.  Maybe we need to start reading that book in the picture and taking it to heart?  “I’m reverent when…I’m shelling pistachios and taking pictures on my phone”

Driving around to see Christmas lights.  There are some really fun ones in the area that we love to go to.  I don’t personally love to do crazy lights on our house or blowup santas on blowup airplanes on our front lawn, but man, Elna sure loves them, so I’m so glad that other people do it for her!

Oh Christmas tree!

On the last day of November we went to get our Christmas tree.  We love to be able to cut a fresh tree down from nearby farms.  There are so many tree farms in our area.  Brian’s family also bought their tree when we did.  We had a fun time!

The farm had this huge beautiful dog that Elna loved of course.

Our family with the tree we chose.  They had very few noble firs this year, so our pickings were slim.  The tree we decided on was smaller than usual but looked beautiful in our home!

Brian’s parents tree—they didn’t want a noble fir so they were able to get a huge tree—also because they have a house with ceilings tall enough for it.

Barbara’s brother, David (on the left) came with us.  He lives in Wyoming, but came for some dental work.  Elna loves him!

Could these two be any cuter?

Elna hates loud noises and was concerned by the loudness of the chain saws.

Free hot chocolate (and chili, but we didn’t have that)—and the trees were only $20.  This is why we live in Oregon!

These two are such buddies!  Elna loves her Grandma!

I have a very similar picture of Elna and Brian doing this last year.  She’s such a helper!

Hot chocolate mouth.

I’m pretty sure this was staged because she didn’t want to actually put the star on top but was happy to take a picture after Brian did.

Hattie is part of our family too.  I probably need to take more pictures of her.

Elna had a Christmas tree in her room too.  I’m not sure it was my best idea since it was very bright and of course she couldn’t sleep without it…but she couldn’t sleep with it either we learned.  Hmm.  I was happy when it was time to put Christmas away!

Elna always remembered to turn the Christmas tree lights on.  The simple pleasures are some of the best!

Harriet—9 months!

I can’t believe we are fast approaching Harriet’s 1st birthday!  This year has flown by.  In fact, it flew by so quickly that 9 months came and went without me even taking official 9 month pictures of my Hattie girl.  If I’m this negligent of my second child, just imagine what my fifth child will miss out on…

This first set just happened to be taken on the day Harriet turned 9 months: 

So in love with this girl with blue eyes!

And these next pictures were taken a few days after Harriet turned 9 months on the Sunday before Christmas:

The girls looked so stinking cute in their Christmas dresses.  I really loved the mint and red combo and love that I can use their dresses again in the Spring and Summer.  I made their bows and loved how they turned out and I loved Harriet’s little red tights and Elna’s red necklace.  If I had a ton of excess income I would probably use it to coordinate these two more often.  It’s just so fun to have matching girls!

Hattie’s face in this picture kills me every time I look at it!

I love the interactions between these two—the sweet way Elna is holding Hattie and talking to her in these pictures is often how they are on an every day basis.  They really like each other!  Usually.

I love Harriet’s smile as she is looking at Brian.

At 9 months, Harriet:

--is so fun!  She laughs often throughout the day and it’s pretty heart-melting. 

--is crawling everywhere! 

--is just a little clingy.  She especially likes to cling to my hip and arms.  She has quite a bit of separation anxiety right.  I should be flattered that she loves me so much, I suppose, for one day she might not want to be with me 24/7.

--is a growler.  I’m semi-obsessed with her growling.  She growls when she is happy and when she sees something she wants.  If I put her pacifier in my mouth and go across the room from her, she will book it over to me, growling and laughing the entire way.  It’s one of her cutest tricks. 

--decided to have a nursing strike for several weeks.  I still have to really work with her to get a full feeding, and still sometimes she refuses to eat.  Oh, Harriet!  Luckily her weight hasn’t seemed to be affected by it. 

--pulls herself up onto anything she can.  She loves to stand!

--is still a fabulous sleeper! 

--is 20 lbs. 15 oz. (85th%), 29 inches tall (88th%), with a head circumference of 45 cm. (77th %)

Oh, how we love her!

My intentions for 2014!

At the end of 2012 I came to the conclusion that I am only capable of keeping one goal a year, so last year I decided to only make one goal: to drink 72 oz. of water a day.  I actually ended up drinking 96 oz. of water each day for a whopping total of about 35,000 oz. of water.  That’s quite a bit of water!  I really like that I kept my goal!

So, even though I am obviously only capable of keeping one resolution a year, in a moment of determination and confidence in myself I have decided to make a few more.  I’m grateful for a God that gives us so many chances to become like Him.

1. Be kind.  Have a kind and soft tone with my children especially.  Specifically, I am determined to not yell at my children at all this year.  Honestly, this will be one of the harder goals for me to keep, but if I do nothing else this year I will be thrilled if I keep this goal.  Any advice? 

2. Learn to take photos in manual mode and learn Photoshop. 

3. Have a green drink or large salad every day. 

4. Get in shape.  Exercise 30 minutes 3-4 days a week.  I actually want to do this 5 days a week and for longer than 30 minutes each day, but I have a feeling this won’t be easy for me, so I want to make it attainable.  I hope what happens with this one is that when I start exercising I will feel a desire to go longer than 30 minutes and will actually end up doing about 45 minutes. 

5. Get in the best spiritual shape of my life.  Be consistent about reading the scriptures, Ensign articles, and praying, doing Family Home Evening with our family, and having a spiritual routine in the morning with my children (which will include scripture reading, prayer, primary song, and maybe a tiny bit of memorization for Elna)—has anyone done this with their young children with success?  What do you do?

6. Unplug more often.  Specifically, I want to only have designated times I am on the computer or my phone and stop using my computer during nap times and read books instead.  As part of this goal, I plan on increasing the number of books I read this year by a lot.  Already 6 days into the year I have figured out some things that have helped me with this goal—I have taken Facebook, Pinterest, and Sudoku off my phone and don’t have my laptop open during the day.  I have loved it!  I love not being on my computer or phone during nap time and because of this I have already finished two books!

Last year was so joyous with the birth of sweet little Harriet, but it also wore me down a bit.  During Christmas time I put a phrase from “Oh, Holy Night” on the chalkboard in my kitchen:. 

I looked at it often and it resonated with me and filled with me hope and joy and gratitude for my Savior.  Over the last few days I took down Christmas, but decided to leave this up for a while—maybe the entire year—as a reminder of the hope that our Savior brings to my very weary soul. 

5 years ago today!

Five years ago today, in seriously deep agony, I signed adoption papers and handed my sweet baby boy to his parents.  I remember thinking at the time how impossible it was and even then I wasn’t sure how I actually did it.  During my pregnancy I felt so sure that I would be able to place him for adoption, that I didn’t even prepare for the possibility that it would kill me to actually do it.  Once I had him, the love was so strong and so immediate that I started back pedaling thinking of any possible way I could still keep him.  I told my case worker I couldn’t go through with the adoption.  She had to call his potential parents and tell them.  It was a very difficult, but sweet two days in the hospital as I both treasured my seconds with Clark and dreaded having to let him go.  The signing part was unbearable—I would say almost unbearable, but it really was unbearable.  I am certain angels were with me bearing me up and strengthening me, giving me the courage to do the hardest thing I had ever done.  Handing him over to Ben and Heather I remember that I couldn’t even look at them, and as I left the hospital room I collapsed because I was just that sad.

I write all of that only as a contrast to what I feel now—I never thought I would feel joy again, but the blessings that followed were as great—greater even—than  my sorrow at that time.  If someone had told me at that time that I would one day feel happy again, that I would one night be able to fall asleep without crying, that my heart would one day heal and feel happiness again, I would not have believed them.  But Heavenly Father compensated my loss with joy, peace, opportunities, a new and beautiful marriage, and more babies.  He also helped me understand that Clark was never really mine.  I now feel guilty when I realize I haven’t thought about Clark as much as I feel like I should.  I love him and will always love him.  I also have been able to move on and live a full life without the constant ache of loss, and I am so grateful for that! 

Happy birthday (two days ago) to sweet little Clark who is now FIVE years old and such a cute little guy!  I hope he will one day understand how much I love him and why I did what I did!